I am happy to report that Byron and I have survived our near cataclysmic close call that started out our New Year. It took a lot of patience on my part as I had to give him a lot of space in order to work out the issues that had come up. However, with that patience and space I was able to do some self-assessment on my part. Realizing that I had resorted to tactics that I had used in past relationships and brandished these tactics like a weapon of bazooka like proportions. I couldn’t blast my way through this problem and expect to find myself on the successful end of a relationship.
We talked, shared, and communicated our respective feelings. We were reacting based on our past experiences in relationships. I triggered bad experiences and memories on his part, he understood that I hadn’t done it on purpose but still worried that it was a tactic I would use in the future. However, he ultimately felt that this is something I could learn from. We were able to start mending the bridge and then start fortifying it by learning from this experience so we can continue on the path together…hand in hand, side by side and everything poetic that you can think of.
I’ve enjoyed the last two weekends with Byron. The first was amazingly sweet and playful and we were able to get back to the best part of ‘us’. The occurrence of getting to see Byron two weekends in a row is almost unheard of because of the circumstances which happen in life. Before the next weekend had been planned however, Byron threw a teaser out there “I have plans for your next visit”…”wicked plans”. My first initial thought was “oh my!” followed by that shock of pleasure that runs through my body so often in relation to HIM. He was relishing the thought of teasing me and wouldn’t divulge any further details into what exactly those plans were and not for the lack of trying on my part.
A little history lesson for those that may not be caught up due to my love of detail and the length of my prior posts may be needed. I recently summarized my relationship with Byron on a group post at Fetlife.
I feel I am part of am incomplete poly triad with more D/s than S/M but enough to keep me on my toes 😉
Byron is my Dominant and I am working towards allowing him to become the Master to me, so I can be his submissive and slave and whatever else he needs me to be and that I want to be. We’ve talked about this in the past and he knows why I am hesitant to move forward into the slave aspect of our relationship. The S/m part of our relationship has been explored, however we have been moving in baby steps towards this.
Since, I’ve started down my journey as a submissive/slave/masochist the last thing I’ve wanted to do was take the wrong path, especially with something so exciting and new and to have so many options open in the world of BDSM. I’ve found that I am just as prone to Sub Frenzy as the next person. I’ve seen a lot more than I have experienced and every time I see more…I want to experience it. I don’t want to wait either, I want that immediate gratification and I want it now. So, in order to avoid the Sub Frenzy and the eventual disappointment of not experiencing soon enough (soon enough in my mind) that comes with it, I have made myself move at what sometimes feels like a snail’s pace. Of course, Byron is here to help with slowing down the pace with which I want to experience things.
We’ve experimented and played some, but only little bits here and there. The first time I experienced being tied completely down and helplesswas a little over a year ago and with Byron, that scene was intense in and of itself and I relished every moment of it. My first full hand spanking was a few months before that and also by Byron. Over the course of the year and I’ve experienced different implements to try to gauge how I would like them. Not for long on any of them, just enough to give me a taste of what it may be like to have a full scene done with them. There was the rubber paddle from hell (a love/hate relationship was established the first go round), being restrained for a little bit in handcuffs, a little teasing with the wartenberg wheel and most recently the new purchase of a flogger (I really liked this one).
I am so dang eager and even more eager to please that I want more and more and more. I wouldn’t say I frequent the local scene, but I have been to enough socials and parties (some private and others not so much) to have put me onto the brink of Frenzy more than once.
servajess 